


Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone

by MerakiWhiskers



Category: The L Word (TV 2004), The L Word: Generation Q (TV)
Genre: F/F, Tibette
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:33:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22452724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MerakiWhiskers/pseuds/MerakiWhiskers
Summary: Tina stays at Bette's place after telling her about the engagement and Bette realizes how she (still?) feels about Tina.
Relationships: Tina Kennard/Bette Porter
Comments: 8
Kudos: 64





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is my first thing I posted here. Please be kind, I did this all on my own (no beta) and English is not my first language. There will be a chapter two to this work!  
> Please leave comments down below suggesting other Bette and Tina things you would like to read, theres just not enough Tibette on here!

Bette opened the door to her house and wondered why all the lights were still on.  
She was quite sure Tina would have left by now as she rushed over to Shanes house when T gave her the news of her engagement, mumbling some made up excuse why she had to leave in such a hurry. She had called Shane on the way over there but she wasn’t able to get the right words out and after she had arrived and hugged Alice the words just escaped her mouth like there was no tomorrow. She admitted still being in love with Tina but not knowing what to do about it, especially now that Tina seemed to be so happy and put together with her new relationship.

  
She let out a small sigh and shook her head. Tina was gonna leave tonight and there was nothing she could do about it.  
Bette entered her kitchen and saw Tina standing there, cleaning up the mess she had made while cooking their dinner.  
A dinner she had such high hopes for. A dinner that left her heartbroken, devasted beyond belief. Every single spark of hope she had was gone within seconds.  
She didn’t know how to feel or what to say since she left so abruptly, so she cleared her throat waiting for Tina to start the conversation.

“I couldn’t leave without at least saying goodbye. And I sure as hell didn’t want to leave you sad like this without trying to explain why I did ... this... everything, you know.”, Tina said quietly, searching for some kind of reaction in Bette’s eyes. Of course she knew how much she had hurt her by telling her about the engagement, goddamnit she saw Bette pouring white wine in her glass, mixing it with the puddle of red wine that was still in there. She wasn’t blind, she saw the tears building up in B’s eyes and heard her hoarse voice while congratulating her. She knew her like the back of her hand and it almost felt like she was hurting herself.  
Bette raised her hand, trying to shush Tina. Since she had just talked to Shane and Alice about the news and she felt like she somewhat could continue her life like before, she definitely did not want to hear about this again when she just composed herself.  
“Please don’t, Tina. I said everything there was to say, everything I could say and I just can not bear to hear one more word about it. Just try to understand this, please!” The silent prayer in her eyes was so visible to Tina, she almost felt Bette’s pain in her own stomach so she just nodded and threw away the to her hands were fiddling with the entire time.

  
“Anyways, I should get going now. I have a flight to catch and you have a vote coming up”, she said, reminding Bette of her campaign. Bette was frightened of how it would turn out in the end. The road until now had been more than bumpy to say the least but she was prepared to fight until the very end. She owed it to Kit. Still she didn’t know how she would be able to wait during the whole voting process.  
“I..., well...”, she stumbled upon her own words, not sure how to say what she wanted due to not knowing what she really wanted. Tina crooked her head and looked her softly in the eyes. There was something to this woman she couldn’t quite grasp. Even after all those years of fighting and loving, fighting and loving and their final breakup she was drawn in like a moth to a flame.  
She knew that it was sending the wrong message but she couldn’t help herself so she took Bette’s hand and furrowed her brows, asking silently.

  
“Could you ... could you please stay here until the results of the votes get in tomorrow, I don’t know how to handle all this on my own and you have always been good at calming the storms and thunders in my head, so please don’t leave me right now. Please!” Bette exhaled, realizing that she had been holding her breath the entire time while rambling those words out.  
This was the second time within a few days that she asked T to stay when she was just about to leave and she knew that she was pushing her luck but at the same time she couldn’t help herself. She had to try it, even if it meant shattering her heart completely, but she was very aware that she wouldn’t be able to do this without T – her family – by her side.  
Tina’s thumb made slow and tiny circles on Bette’s hand as she took a deep breath.  
Staying here meant she would get into more trouble with Carrie than she wanted but she was furious with her already for leaving without saying a word, so she might as well stay a little longer.  
“Alright, Bette, I will stay. But I will only stay if we talk. I don’t care when, we can do it now or tomorrow, but I need you to be honest with me”, Tina said and looked Bette straight in the eyes.

“Okay, alright let’s talk tomorrow after the results are in. We can sit down and be honest with each other. And I mean really honest! I ... I just can’t talk about it right now, I am exhausted, okay? There has just been too much going on today and don’t think I can take any more, okay?” Bette looked at their hands, still holding each other, stroking the other ones carefully.  
“Okay, I’m somewhat fine with that, so we’ll talk tomorrow.”

  
“Mooooooom, you’re still here!” They were looking at each other so they needed a few seconds to realize that Angie was back from Jordi’s. She ran up to Tina and gave her a tight hug, causing her mothers to let go of each others hand slowly.  
“Can we all just cuddle up and watch a movie in my bed, pretty please?” Angelica looked at them with puppy eyes and the biggest smile on her face so they could not say no to her.  
Moments later they were all cuddled up in bed together, Angie in between Tina and Bette. Both of them tried not to touch the other because they didn’t seem to be able trust themselves.  
“Oh, for gods sake, would the two of you please relax?”, Angie blurted out looking from Bette to Tina and Tina to Bette. “I can feel the tension from miles away!”

  
Finally both of them released their breaths, slowly sinking in a group hug that felt all too familiar.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tina comforts Bette after the results of the election are in.

She had lost.   
Bette had lost the election.

She sat down, taking a deep breath. Tears flooded her eyes as she let out a deep sigh. At some point she had to go out there. Everyone was surely waiting for her to make a comment, to congratulate Milner. Hell, Angie and her friends were out there.  
Bracing herself for everything that was about to come she wiped away a single tear that had fallen on her cheek.   
Bette got up and straightened her clothes.   
Just as she was about to leave this little room someone knocked on the door.  
“Come in!”, Bette said, wondering who it could be. Maybe Angie wanted to make sure she was okay.  
“I’m alright, Angie”, she said. “Oh, erm ... T, what are you doing here? Is everything alright, I thought you were waiting at home?”, Bette wondered.  
“Oh Bette!”, Tina exhaled. “I rushed over as soon as I heard the results. I thought ... I thought... well, maybe you would want someone by your side now. I know you wanted to do this for Kit, win this election for her. I know how devastated you were when I didn’t show up at her funeral and I’ll be damned if I make the same mistake twice. I’m here for you! And I’ll stand beside you when you give your speech, if that is what you want!” Tina saw Bette in the eyes and she immediately knew that she had been crying.  
Bette swallowed hard and took a few steps towards Tina who was still standing in the doorframe. Without saying a word she took her hand, looked down at their intertwined fingers and nodded silently.

She opened the door and the crowd outside instantly started cheering, clapping and calling her name. A slight smile appeared on her lips, not yet reaching her eyes who were still watery. They were still rooting for her, they still believed in her. Bette delivered her speech and during the whole time Tina was standing right in the corner of the stage. She wore a sad smile but was thrilled by Bette’s speech. She always knew how to captivate people and how to deliver a message.  
By the end of the speech she started clapping loudly looking at her ex-wife who held out her hand for her to take – and so she did without the slightest sign of hesitation.

They left the stage, walking towards Angie, Shane and Alice who embraced them in a big hug.  
“I’m so sorry, Bette”, said Alice.  
“I love you, Momma B”, mumbled Angie. She looked like she had been crying the whole evening.  
“You still make the most beautiful couple in the whole room and if I didn’t knew better, I’d say that something in Tina’s behaviour has changed”, Shane whispered directly into Bette’s ear. “Don’t let her hurt you again!”  
A simple, yet honest ‘thank you’ was everything Bette could answer right now, without breaking out into tears. She held onto T’s hand for dear life, because she feared she would not get to hold it again if she let go for one minute. 

“Do you... Do you want to go home?”, Tina asked quietly looking from Bette to Angie.  
Both of them looked at each other, knowledge sparkling in Angie’s eyes.   
“Yes, please Mom. Let’s get away from all those people.”  
All of them hugged again, saying their goodbyes and some moments later Tina, Bette and their daughter left all together. Angie saw that her parents were still holding hands, they most likely had forgotten about it since it felt so natural, but Angie was more than happy about it. She knew how much Momma B had suffered since Momma T had left her. Bette had tried to hide her sadness from Angelica as much as she could, but her daughter was a smart child, she felt her pain and her anger but there was just nothing she was able to do about it. Now she was happy that she had called T and told her to come over and help her mother. Though she was angry at Tina for getting engaged to this other woman, she still hoped there would be a small chance that her mothers would get back together eventually.

“I’ll leave the two of you to it”, Angie said as soon as they entered the living room. “Jordi wanted me to call her as soon as she heard and I need to hear her voice now.”   
“Thank you for being there for me tonight, monkey”, Bette looked at Angie. It truly meant the world to her.   
“Mom, I would not have missed this for anything. You know I love you, right? And I will still love you, no matter what you decide to do from now on, okay? Aunt Kit would be more than proud of you and I know for a fact that I am beyond proud!”, Angie wanted her mother to know this.  
“Goodnight, Momma B! Goodnight Momma T”, Angie added, giving both her mothers a kiss on their cheek before heading off to her room, hoping the two of them would take the time and talk about everything. 

“Let me change into something more comfortable, okay?!”, Bette said to Tina before heading to her room. She took off her blouse and her trousers and let them fall on the floor before walking up to her wardrobe. Once she stood there it hit her. Every little thing she had been suppressing the last month, hell even a year suddenly hit her with such a force it took away her breath. Tears built up in her eyes and she started sobbing. Bette didn’t even notice how Tina entered her room.  
“Shit, Bette”, she exclaimed, rushing over to her and embracing her in a tight hug.  
“I can’t. I just ... I just can not.” The brunette was sobbing in Tina’s arms and held on to her like she was her guardian angel.   
“I got, you Baby. I got you. Let it out, just let it all out.” Tina knew Bette had been strong. Angie had called her several times during the last months, telling her that she was afraid Bette would just break down because she was not dealing with the things she clearly had been feeling the whole time. Tina felt incredibly guilty that she was adding more trouble on Bette’s plate, so to speak. She knew how much it hurt Bette to know that she was engaged to Carrie. Shaking her head, Tina pushed away every thought of her. This moment should only belong to Bette and her.

“Let’s get you into bed. Come on.” Bette was too weak to walk so Tina basically had to carry her to bed. She tucked her in and looked at her. This was the exact moment she realized there were so many unresolved things, especially feelings in between the two of them that she would not be able to go on with her own life before they had sorted things out properly. When she divorced Bette she was nearly running away from everything she was feeling, trying to create as much space as she could. She quickly entered a new relationship, hoping she would find herself as a person. But she now knew that agreeing to marry Carrie was the biggest mistake she could make because it had nothing to do with finding herself.

“Hold me, T! Please just hold me until this unbearable pain ends”, Bette said quietly, still sobbing a bit.   
Tina didn’t think twice, as she kicked away her shoes and cuddled up to Bette.   
“Shhh, everything is going to be alright. Everything will be alright”, Tina whispered, softly kissing Bette’s forehead.   
“Kiss me”, Bette answered.  
“I was kissing you”, was Tina’s answer.  
“I know. But kiss me like this”, Bette mumbled and gently pressed her soft lips against Tina’s...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo. here is chapter two! Seems like this will be slightly more than just a two chapter thing, I don't know where I am going with this.  
> I hope you like it... :) And the little thowback at the end (;  
> I still don't have a beta reader, so if there are any mistakes please let me know!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bette finally opens up about her feelings.

Their lips parted and Tina looked at Bette who was still sad and seemed so heartbroken.   
Her breathing had slowed down a bit and she took some deep breaths before muttering: “Shit, T! I am so sorry, this shouldn’t have happened.” She had just realized what they had been doing. It felt like it has always felt – natural.  
“Hey, it’s alright! Don’t you worry, it’s all gonna be okay.” Tina reassured here before placing some small kisses on her forehead.   
“You just go to sleep and relax. You’ve worked through all this without taking a break. You deserve to just sleep without thinking about anything that happened today.”  
“Or a year ago...”, Bette quietly added.   
Tina knew exactly that she was talking about their divorce. “Yeah, that too”, she answered.

“Just hold me until I fall asleep, Tina. I need this one night where you hold me, so I am able to feel anything at all. We can talk about everything tomorrow. And I promise, I really mean everything.”  
“We can do that, Baby”, was Tina’s simple answer as she embraced Bette in a tight hug.  
It didn’t take long for Bette to fall asleep, she was exhausted beyond belief.   
Tina on the other hand was wide awake. Her thoughts were running wild. Was she doing the right thing with Carrie? Everything that happened during the time of a few hours made her question every decision she made, beginning a year ago when she divorced Bette.  
She let out a big sigh and snuggled into Bette. Her hair still smelled like it had always done and her body felt as comfortable as she remembered.  
What was the right thing to do here?

Tina was the first to be awake on the next morning. She gave Bette a small kiss on the nose and got up. She took a shower, made breakfast for the two of them and fixed herself a coffee.   
Moments later she heard noises from the bedroom and fixed a coffee for her ex-wife, handing it to her when she appeared in the kitchen. She looked better than yesterday, like she just got the right amount of sleep.  
She gave Tina a small smile and took at the coffee.   
“Thank you so much, T. For everything. You didn’t need to do this, yet you stayed and did. I am really grateful.”  
“Bette, I said I am your family and I meant it. I am here for you, if you ever need me, I promise”, Tina answered honestly. “Can we talk now? Like really, really talk honestly.”  
Bette swallowed hard but nodded, she would honour her word.  
“Let’s get comfortable, I think this might take a while.

They sat down on the couch, their bodies not touching but being close enough to have the ability to do so.  
“Would you... would you please let me start?”, Bette asked, looking slightly nervous all of a sudden.  
“Of course! Go ahead.”  
“It all started when you met Carrie and sent Angie the first picture. I was drowning in work before so I had no time to think bout us. Our relationship. But Angelica showed me the picture and I immediately felt jealous. I loved seeing you so happy but I was madly jealous because I wasn’t the reason. I thought I got over that eventually, as I just told Angie not to show me any other pictures but then you arrived here. I was ready to go out and drop out of the race, I was all confused and worried but I thought you were some kind of a sign, arriving at such a difficult time.”  
Bette took a small sip of coffee, looking at Tina who had listened carefully the whole time. 

She continued: “I was more than happy when you wanted to have dinner with me. I got all my hopes up, only to have them shattered. I thought my world was about to end – again – you know when you told me you were going to marry Carrie. T, I want to be your wife, I want to be loved by you, as much as you love her... as much as I still love you after all these years.”

So there it was, the truth was finally out. Bette admitted to herself and Tina that she was still in love with her and that there was nothing she could or wanted to do about it. 

“T, I am still in love with you. I can’t seem to let go of you even though I desperately want to. And I hope you don’t mind me telling you, because it could very well mean that I made everything even more complicated now, since you want to move back here to be closer to Angie, but you wanted to hear the truth and I needed to say it out loud.”

Tina took Bette’s Hand and squeezed it softly. She closed her eyes and took in those words one by one, sentence by sentence. Those words were so raw and pure, they sent shivers down her spine.  
“Thank you for being so honest with me, B. I promise I am not mad or anything. But now I think it’s my turn to be just as honest with you.”

Tina started talking and never let go of Bette’s hand...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this was a short one but I've kept you waiting long enough - sorry about that, life got kinda busy.
> 
> Now I am back on track with the two of them and I also think I figured out where I wanna go from here. Maybe I'll be able to post the next chapter within the next days. Send good vibes my way.
> 
> As always, if you find mistakes please tell me, but be kind about it, English still isn't my first language.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this, please leave a comment!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Tina's turn to tell Bette how she feels.

“Wow, Bette. Saying... admitting all of this must have been very hard for you. I am really grateful that you were so honest with me, so I will be just as honest with you”, Tina started.  
“It really wasn’t”, Bette said. “The hardest part was admitting all this to myself. It started when I drove to Shane’s the night of our dinner. I admitted to myself how I still felt and said it out loud to Shane and Alice. From this moment on a very heavy burden was lifted from my shoulders. I wish I could have come to terms with it sooner, but there was the election and everything coming up, so I kept pushing my feelings away as much as I could.”  
Tina looked at Bette with so much admiration and respect. This was a new side of Bette – she openly talked about how she felt and how she came to her conclusions and Tina liked this honesty very much. It made Bette seem so much more real.

“I am glad you could come to terms with your feelings. And I deeply, deeply thank you for telling me all this. I also would like to share some of my own feelings and thoughts with you, if that’s okay. They could be painful for you, but I feel like you deserve just as much honesty.”  
Bette braced herself for what was about to hit her. She still held Tina’s hand and nodded slightly. This would be very painful, but maybe this kind of pain would help her let go of Tina a bit faster... if this ever would be the case at all.  
“Do it fast, like ripping of a Band-Aid”, the brunette whispered.

“Okay, so I left you because I felt like I’ve never truly been myself... me, Tina Kennard. Somehow I’ve always been in relationships and I couldn’t even remember myself being single. Don’t get me wrong, I loved being your wife, but sometimes I just wanted to be me. When we first separated I started dating Helena, then we got back together, then there was Henry and even when you were with Jodi we were not really apart. You broke up with her and we immediately got back together.   
So I thought divorcing you and really spending time by my own would help me feel more alive – so I could be a better mother for Angie, and eventually be a better partner for you some years down the road.”   
Tina looked at Bette who followed her every word. She crooked her head, wanting to know if she could go on. Bette squeezed her hand and nodded barely noticeable but Tina saw it.

“Well, so I left and started to find myself more and more... but then I met Carrie. Our attraction was instant and we were driven towards each other. I started dating her because I thought I might miss out on an opportunity if I just let her leave there and then. We got closer and closer and I was happy for a long time.   
Actually until last night. That was when I really started thinking about everything that had happened. I threw myself in yet another relationship because I didn’t want to miss out on anything, but here I am – engaged – missing out on the chance to really find myself once again.   
I care for Carrie, I deeply and wholeheartedly do so – but it would be dishonest to continue my relationship with her like this.   
Especially not if I have feelings for her and someone else, too.”  
Tina took a small break looking at Bette who seemed genuinely confused.   
Why would Tina tell her that she had feelings for yet another woman while she just told her moments ago that she was still in love with her? Could she really be that cruel?  
“T, please? I don’t understand! I know the truth would hurt but I just don’t get why you would tell me something like this on top of everything? Why...?”, Bette didn’t know what to say. Her heart was racing and she felt tears building in her eyes.  
“Baby, oh god. No! That’s not what I meant”, Tina exclaimed, taking Bette’s face in her hands looking her in the eyes.  
“You really don’t know what I am trying to say here?”, she asked.  
“No, please tell me. I can’t seem to wrap my brain around what you’re trying to tell me”, Bette answered honestly.

“Bette, I am still in love with you! I always have been in love with you. Loving you has never been a problem. It was the easiest thing for me – always! No matter if we were together or separated, I’ve always loved you more than you can imagine. Also, I did not leave because I was no longer in love with you. I thought I could become a better version of myself, so I could be better for you... for Angie. I intended to come back, I really did. But then there was Carrie and everything changed.”  
Bette cleared her throat: “Understatement of the year.”  
“Oh really, B – really? I tell you that I still love you and all you can focus on is this? You’re unbelievable!”, Tina laughed, taking Bette’s face back in her hands, looking her directly in the eyes.

“Bette Porter, I really don’t know how to go from here and what we are gonna do with this but let me make one thing clear: I, Tina Kennard, love you!”  
She closed her eyes and pulled Bette closer. Their lips touched each other and it felt like the world around them failed to exist. There were only the two of them, their lips locked, hands on each others neck and their love for each other. They kissed like there was no tomorrow until they eventually had to take a break to breathe again – it was like they were coming up for air.  
“Oh, T... I never thought I would hear you say those words again with this meaning!”  
But then realization hit her... she did also love Carrie. Her heart sunk and she exhaled audibly.  
“Bette? What’s the matter? Did I say something wrong or do something wrong?”  
Bette stroked her cheek and looked at her with a slight hint of sadness in her eyes.   
“No, of course not, but I realized what you said – you also love Carrie. I mean you love me, but you also love her. What are we going to do?”, Bette asked, not knowing what to say, do or feel.

“Well, I have a thought, but I don’t know if you or Carrie would be open to it and I realize it might sound crazy.”  
“Tell me all about it”, Bette said. 

She wanted to know if there was even the slightest chance that she could get Tina back as her partner in life and love. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all :)  
> Here's another chapter, I really hope you do like it! Please leave a comment if you do.
> 
> I won't be able to post another chapter until next week, maybe tuesday, but I'm not quite sure yet.  
> Until then, have a good time :3


End file.
